Program helps inmates become better fathers

Jul. 29--In a small trailer doubling as a library on the campus of Davidson Correctional Center, David Vanstory stood in front of nearly a dozen men Saturday morning preaching the power of fatherhood in a booming voice.

His congregation -- seated along a white table with chairs on either side -- was inmates of the facility. Each appeared to hang on to every word he spoke. The faces and reactions revealed three months of soul searching.

Vanstory and Murray Bethea were at the correctional center on behalf of Vessels of Mercy Outreach Prison and Men Ministry, an organization seeking to rehabilitate fathers by partnering with the National Fatherhood Initiative to create 24/7 dads.

Vanstory, who served time in prison himself, spoke to the group of men with a noticeable sense of empathy.

"You're going to take some hits," Vanstory told the group. "You're going to feel some anger and bitterness. ... But I guarantee you this, it will get better."

Vessels of Mercy has spent the past 12 weeks visiting the correctional facility, teaching the inmates how to be a better father. The session topics included family history, what it means to be a man, handling feelings, health, communication, a father's role, discipline, children's growth, getting involved, co-parenting and dads and work.

On Friday, the group will graduate from the program in front of friends and family.

Saturday morning was the final session. The group spent time reflecting on what they learned.

Vanstory explained to the men that he wanted a better relationship with his daughter. He first had to face the deeply rooted anger he felt toward his own father so that he could fully commit himself to being a better parent.

He told the group that just because his father wasn't there for him, doesn't mean he couldn't be there for his daughter.

"It was not easy," Vanstory said. "If I quit, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in with my daughter. ... I don't want to see my daughter in and out of the system because she's angry at me. ... I'm willing to show her love."

Bethea reminded the group that people are always watching.

He said that sometimes it isn't enough to be a better dad for your own children. In some cases, a man may be called to be a better father for someone outside the family.

"Your influence not only influences you, but the other people around you," Bethea said. "Your influence goes beyond your household."

The inmates responded to Vanstory and Bethea's thoughts by recounting how they want to be better, as well.

"I feel more comfortable expressing emotion and feelings in front of others," said Bradley Thomas, describing how the program impacted his life.

Joseph Diaz said he found a more profound way to express empathy toward family members and others.

Diaz noted that each session helped him become a better father to his children and loved ones. Among other things, he learned that showing encouragement toward children shows the real definition of love from a visual standpoint.

"I've been where you are at," said Diaz, regarding what advice he'd give to other struggling fathers. "Do what you got to do. I put all guilt aside and shot forward."

Robert Curran said that in the past few months, he's learned about accountability.

Curran later added that fathers can't give up on themselves or their children.

"It's not just important to be a better father, but a better man," Curran said.

Vanstory said he has a key saying that he always goes by, "you can pay now and play later, or you can play now and pay later."

The message to the inmates was clear -- take responsibility for your actions so that you do not suffer in the future. For the sake of both themselves and their family.

"It can't stop right here," Vanstory said. "You can change it."

Ben Coley can be reached at (336) 249-3981, ext. 227 or at ben.coley@the-dispatch.com. Follow Ben on Twitter: @LexDispatchBC

___

(c)2019 The Dispatch, Lexington, N.C.

Visit The Dispatch, Lexington, N.C. at www.the-dispatch.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.